Chaos and more of it!!!

It's chaos all over in my head. Or wait, why do I feel the need to classify it as chaos? This never ending dimensional crisis to our personalities has put me in a fix- literally. One of my best friends from school, someone I know since I was six years old was going through such a big crisis in his life. He called me a few years ago when my number was the only one he remembered and my advice mattered to him, and I didn't respond then. How guilty do I feel now on learning that he needed my help. A simple gesture of listening to his problem on the phone could have bought him some peace. But I was adamant over something back then. We had had the biggest fight over something that in early 20's felt like it mattered a lot. Friendship is a vague term, a place holder actually. There's nothing like friendship that lasts forever, or a friendship where everything is perfect. No, nothing of this sort exists. We constantly evolve and grow out of our immaturity and keep balancing our new found persona whilst adjusting with the people we call friends.

I felt really bad that I couldn't lend a listening ear and support to my friend when he needed it the most. Needless to say, I would like to believe that I learn from past mistakes. We become so emotional. Sometimes I think it's best to stay neutral. Being given the power to not take sides. Let everyone find their own way. We all learn from our mistakes. Here I am, writing about feeling bad on not being able to help a friend in need when perhaps I should just concentrate on my upcoming exams. Or would that make me sound selfish? Aren't we all motivated by some selfish reason always? We don't put a thought into it, but we are. It's in our psyche. We are trained for it somehow. Start communicating, Start expressing. By keeping our anger inside ourselves we build up on the conflict and this useless storage then neither takes us further nor loosens up our already chaotic lives. We are just harbouring unnecessary ill will. Instead, find compassion within. It sounds impossible but is not unachievable. Listening and speaking the right things at the right time, is all I believe in strongly these days.

All I am doing right now is getting away from massaging my ego and these petty self assuring mind games that make me believe there's nothing more important than myself and my happiness. In reality, its not true. There can't be a world where we exist without so much as bothering about everyone else other than ourselves? Surely, we can be better, And I start being better now than later. Getting away from this virtual world and investing in the real world, however traumatic it is. It's never too late to begin. Here's to hope and new beginnings!