The Rebelle blog

Yes, amidst every single manageable piece of news published in our world is the left out unmanageable piece that did not become the ink in print. Why do we project our unhappiness unto others? There are some questions that make their way into my head quite often. One of the many such is finding ways to rediscovering my potential and being content to the point of happy. I know there are a thousand theories about how being content is the real happiness and that happiness is only real when shared, which I also hugely believe in but at times my cynical side refuses to focus upon. So how did we really learn to manage things? Is this one of those vague terms that haunts people after a certain age? Most importantly, has age got anything to do with the frequent occurrence of such questions? I hope not. Just last week, while being on a site visit, I was supposed to climb a very steep stairway that led to the occupied terrace portion of a skyscraper. My initial first few seconds reaction w...

I wish there were a way to deal with uncertainty. I know I have reiterated about it a thousand times here, but I haven't exactly figured out a way to deal with it effectively and steadily. All that uncertainty does to me is spirals me into an endless abyss of self-doubt and negativity about my capabilities. Why does this happen so often, is beyond my understanding?! These self-inflicted judgements aren't helping one bit to help me come out of this misery. Worse that happens is I get deviated and disturbed from my path of work. I must find an effective and long-term solution for this problem post in my life. No matter however much I am trying, it sometimes feels that my efforts are way too less and half-hearted. I still have the fear of failure but it doesn't stem from lacking confidence or less preparation; it's more about letting myself and the people who have supreme faith in me down. This has made me so anti-social as well. Of course, I can't go back in time an...

My exams begin in about thirty days and this wait is terrifying. As the day approaches closer, my heart starts beating faster in anticipation of my performance. It should be better than the last. All this studying and reading and almost breaking my back over late night writing has to yield good results. My confidence wobbles on some days not because I am afraid but because I am terribly nervous of myself. Even as I am writing this, I feel butterflies in my stomach. A good friend once told me that a little nervousness is good. It ensures that we remain alert and not be too confident of everything. Not sure if it's a good thing to be both nervous and confident at the same time, I would rather be confident. This newness is scary. There are new feelings every time I begin something new and different, oblivious of what it shall lead to. I suppose it happens with everyone. We are all cut from the same cloth. I keep telling myself that every new challenge is to be accepted with a knight...

I don't know what made me come up with this title but there's something that's going on in the back of my mind that I haven't given enough thought. I read about being two people at once in our brain while we are really struggling to emote ourselves into the world to other people and perhaps, to ourselves too. I have been visiting a place that has a lot of full-length floor-to-ceiling mirrors and I think they are making me very conscious of the images that keep relayed on all walls because everywhere I look, I see myself looking back with different eyes. It's very creepy to feel my own eyes on myself through these mirrors. I don't know how and when mirrors became an integral part of our human existence since I cannot recollect what our ancestors did without mirrors back then. But then we forget that the standards of beauty were yet to be defined back then. This post is not about body images/ beauty/ physical perfection or the likes but more about delving into t...

क्या हुआ जो युग हमारे आगमन पर मौन? सूर्य की पहली किरण पहचानता है कौन? अर्थ कल लेंगे हमारे आज के संकेत।  #दुष्यन्तकुमार आज मुझे खामोशी की आवाज़ सुननी थी। मगर कही सुनाई नहीं दी। रोजमर्रा की जिंदगी में इतने सारे हादसे होते रहते है की उनका महत्व कम हो गया है। उन्हें बार बार दोहराने का कोई फायदा ही नहीं। पहले किसी दोस्त को मन की दुविधा कितनी आसानी से बता दिया करती थी मैं, आज उसी दोस्त को मेरी बातों का बोझ न लगे इसी विवंचना के कारण मैं खामोश हो जाती हूँ। कितनी अजीब बात है की हम में से कई लोगों को एहसास तक नहीं होता जिंदगी की इस टेढ़ी-मेढ़ी झंझटों का और यदि एहसास हो भी जायें तो उसमें से बाहर कैसे निकले ये एक नयी पहेली सामने आ खड़ी उठती है। कुछ साल पहले तक मुझे खुदसे बहुत शिकायत होती थी की मेरी जिंदगी किसी और की तरह क्यों नहीं है। जैसे मैं किसी और को अपने नजर से देखती थी तो उनकी जिंदगी मुझे बड़ी परिपूर्ण लगती थी और खुदकी बहुत कष्टप्राय। यह एहसास श्री. मुन्शी प्रेमचंदजी की कहानियाँ पढ़कर द्विगुणित हो जाता था। फिर धीरे- धीरे बात ऐसी समझ आयीं की ना ही किसी और के सुख से हमें अपने दुखों का क...

I am inspired to write this post after reading a fellow blogger and someone I look up to. Thank you, Mandy. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend since it was his birthday. We got chatting about the current new things in our lives. When I mentioned that I am taking some academic courses apart from my Civil Services studies, he discouraged me saying I should focus on some goal. An only goal where I would be the best. I tried reasoning and telling him how these courses are shaping my understanding as a person, someone who is into Sociology and the likes but I failed miserably. I had to listen to a lot of negative and discouraging conversation. Dejected but also in a way feeling that not many people understand the importance of studying various fields, I hung up. And today, I read  Mandy's blogpost  about using goals as tools. She is such an inspiration to me. I always feel that having too many goals can be a distraction but I also strongly believe that these too many go...