The Rebelle blog

 ...Country roads,  take me home  To the place I belong! I am crooning to Olivia Newton- John singing this lovely, understated melody from the Studio Ghibli movie 'Whisper of the Heart.' I watched it one slow summer night as I was lying low with self-doubt and an extreme dip into my self-esteem. What a saver it turned out to be! I resonated with Shizuku, her love for reading and writing and struggling to fit in the ideas of how everyone wanted her to be. How strange that age is truly just a number, and anybody can feel vulnerable yet derive strength from such visually striking stories. Coming of age is just a phenomenon and we can do so at any point in our lives.  So enthralled was I with the viewing that I rewatched it a couple of days later with another young friend. The feeling remained the same, filled with awe and a resonance with her discoveries. I became a little girl once again and relished the things that made me, ME. Sometimes it takes not people but a work...

Until you mentioned it, I hadn't bothered about the date and the day. A lot of laughter as usual but I can't seem to remember most part of our conversation. Perhaps, because you seemed to hypnotize the surroundings around you. For once, you were talking and I wasn't. It was a surreal moment to see you there after this long. Is this the defining year in our lives when things shall change? When we realise that people will not always share the same vibes as us and that not many shall complement our ways and thoughts. Or, perhaps we know this truth already. I ask a hundred questions in my head and get answers to them through your silence. The hustle bustle of coffee bars and bakeries, the sweet aromas that linger with each visit to a city we love so much binds us together. I look at the crowds and disperse with them as you stay back in my mind.  The magic in my life seems to traverse with your response and kindness. Have I always felt such dependence on you for my emoti...

I found myself in the middle of a Bandh, not a new event now for Mumbaikars. I managed to reach my workplace in time, but the empty campus was a sharp reminder of how much we have surrendered our lives to these hooligans. After spending half a day doing nothing, especially since I was back after a long week, all of us decided to head home after a while. And what a timely decision to head home since the situation escalated badly after 3pm. We adjusted ourselves in the car singing songs, at the top of our lungs just about making up lyrics and making new ones. On the way, I also got a glimpse of the architectural wonders of Navi Mumbai through a very lively commentary by our colleague. My friends, Shuchi and Sarath. welcomed me and Cynthia into their house and like they say, each house carries their spirit and I could sense it in theirs. We watched COCO, the animated flick and every good film tears me up from inside, so it happened with this as well. So invested was I that I couldn...

Why do Yesterdays seem better than Todays?  Just when I was pondering over this thought, I came across a British Adventurer, Tom Morgan going on a trip  Around the World flying with helium balloons .  He seemed inspired by the 2009 movie, Up  where a seventy-eight-year-old man goes on an adventure in his flying house carried by balloons. It was such a visually beautiful imagery to see those colourful balloons tied up to the house through its chimney stack lifting the house and then soaring high in the skies.  Photograph: Pixar/Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar These two images conjured up beautiful emotions within my heart. Human lives are full of adventure and the endless possibilities of finding magic in the most bizarre situations. The various factors that bring in all this happiness and love for new are possible only when people take an initiative on their own. The treasures of this life are left hidden for us to discover and find ourselves in ...

I severely despise drama, melodrama, malaise of all kinds. And yet here I am spending an October Saturday in misery over the way people can't deal with their problems. Anger and Anxiety are going to be the death of this world. Just last night the news reported a survey of 31% officegoers suffering from office-related stress in my city. I actually feel that number is at least 91%! If only all of us learnt to live (and, lie alternately) in harmony and in unison, there would be no stress and participation in such grisly surveys. But, this is life and we are the saddest lot in it. Unfortunately, I am not in my very best spirits to write here, but in the hopes that writing shall cure me of my endless suffering, I unleash my fury at the world (and, myself!).  Just today morning, I told a friend that "all conditioned things are impermanent," and while it is true generally, today it doesn't feel so. Somehow, hatred and anger and vile things have become a permanence in o...

Some days the only text messages I receive on my phone are from the Zumba group I happily and dare say, religiously dance with five days a week. They are not even directed towards me, only some regular forwards, jokes, some promotional jewellery and meditation cum well-being workshop events. At times, I really detach myself from everything that goes around. DO we ever realise the information overload we are sending back into the universe every single minute, all of us 7 billion people? I may have expressed this thought here before and I am doing it yet again. A very random stranger who has become a familiar acquaintance on Instagram texted me the other day urging me to write a bestseller and that I am a genius. These words coming from someone who only knows me from some regular interaction virtually over books, photographs and rants, separated by a physical distance of thousands of miles and oceans between us, humbled me. Happiness comes unexpectedly. Her words made me happy, gave ...

My Dad misplaced some medical records in our house and we spent pretty much the entire day looking for them. Almost searched every nook and crany of our newly renovated house. It has been a taxing day more so for me because I had been travelling for two days straight in one of my  most uncomfortable & harrowing train travels ever prior to landing up in this search mission. Now, I've caught an allergic cold from all the dust and still no success in locating the records. So, it has been a very unexpected gift only because I was proudly boasting last week about my immune system and how healthy I am while my family fell ill with allergic cold and from the heat. Life has a way of getting back at us. Is it Karma? Who knows? I certainly don't believe in it. May be, a tiny part of my brain dwells on it but never with full faith. Another unexpected gift has been the surprising retrieval of two design manuals I'd misplaced and thought lost. One of them is an Accessibility Desig...

On my way back home tonight, a little too early than my usual time I came across beautiful bright lights put up in small alleys to celebrate the festive spirit that dominates this season. Looking up from my reverie, I saw a soft glow of red and yellow twinkle lights overhead. It was so magical. That moment transported me in some dreamland of happiness as I walked with a big happy smile plastered on my face. I met an acquaintance on the road and couldn't shut up admiring the brightly lit skies. Can you believe, it just took some lights to spread cheer within me! I also felt a little foolish after a while as I kept my thoughts engaged in this material happiness, but I couldn't care less about it. That moment mattered a lot. It felt like my childhood came alive. But in my childhood I never remember seeing such an extravagant display of lights and flashy street decorations. Things were a lot simpler then.  I think as times have changed, things have left their indelible expres...

What a beautiful day! I would have not imagined spending another seemingly important day of my life doing all the things I love better than today. I went to the library, picked a Kazuo Ishiguro book, my first from the author to begin on the Bard's birthday. The newspapers had well-written articles on Shakespeare's literary genius and uncovering the man he was beneath the playwright and sonneteer.  It's the love and longing we all desire from our loved ones that makes us humane. In all our capacity as individuals who are rooted with their hearts in their families, friends and the people we connect to over our lifetime. I received a beautiful letter from my faraway friend and she captured the essence of a happy day in few words and drove me to tears. Isn't this an intrinsic quality of us humans, that we heal and melt with a few kind words and deeds? It was Vincent Van Gogh who said, Nothing awakens us to the reality of life so much as a true love. And who could ...

I just came back from meeting a friend who is home on a holiday. I was excited about meeting her because she only flies down home once a year and her stay at home lasts exactly a week. So we met and got talking about life, hers and mine, and friends when I told her about my academic plans. Now I regret it. A casual interaction with her has left me feeling depressed about my choices in life. They might not have been as brilliant and bright like hers but they have been my own. I take full responsibility for my life's decisions and how I have handled different things to come so far. It hurt to feel so demeaned by someone I once looked up to. So, while walking back home I kept thinking of ways one could be happy or at least pretend to be to avoid some embarrassment in public or with friends and family. Since I am no Mr. Bean, this post does not display any humour and perhaps the seriousness might not get down well with everyone reading the post. I go ahead with these TEN WAYS ...

I just learned the biggest lesson of my life. GIVING is the most beautiful and selfless act of compassion we can commit as humans. A beggar woman came wandering in my apartment complex with her two young children- a toddler boy and her infant girl. She asked for some food and clothes for her children. It was a heart-breaking sight. My mother heard her and packed some food and clothes for the kids and a saree with blouses for the woman. As I went down to give her these things, I heard some woman shout angrily at her about entering the complex saying it wasn't open to beggars. The woman kept pleading about her kids and to have some mercy. I reached and gave her the food first and she kept blessing me, until I gave her the saree seeing which her eyes filled with tears. She lifted aside her torn shawl and said she has been wearing rags so that she could cover her kids. When I handed her the kids clothes, she almost sprang to touch my feet. I was in tears to see her do it. What have w...

I feel over the moon right now. Two reasons; first, I finally seem to have mastered the map of the world and second, one of my dear friends who had been busy studying Law at a faraway place wrote to me after a long time. It's the happiness from two good things that have happened to me today and I am just so overwhelmed. The geography of the world was really getting under my nerves. I had always been a good geography student during school and then also during architecture, when we would roam cities and distant places, with maps, without maps. I used to take pride in the fact that unlike the stereotyped notion of women having no sense of maps and directions, I could actually read them, understand and arrive on locations and could also direct people in need. But this world map was mocking me and teasing about having lost practice of locating places on maps. One of my favourite childhood games and even today, is naming countries and their capitals. I was obsessed with information abo...

......Books, quotes, poetry, words, images, music, conversations, people, laughter, sorrow, belonging-- things that I discover fresh from my memories. Umberto Eco makes me want to dwell into the many confines of events that now lay bundled together in my brain. Sometimes, rain does this- invokes a melancholy of people and bygone events. Music also makes me wander into the deep recesses of my dreams and nostalgia stored away. I remember a time when I thought travel was the ultimate way of getting away from stress and the mundane chaos of everyday life. But even this illusion broke its wings quickly. I realised and understood that travel couldn't substitute for the longing I felt in my heart for things unknown. It was just another route on the way to discovering ourselves, a means to say. Sometimes after reading auto-biographies I fall in awe of all these greats who could remember great details from their early lives or perhaps, they had made notes of it. What an absurd thought...

“What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed in there, regardless. It wasn't just about blood relations or shared chromosomes, but something wider, bigger. We had many families over time. Our family of origin, the family we created, and the groups you moved through while all of this was happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them perfect, and we couldn't expect them to be. You can't make any one person your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build your world from it.”  This quote is from Sarah Dessen's YA novel, Lock and Key . I have often looked into this quote and her words to understand the concept of family. One of my very first and also favourite childhood movies is The Parent Trap . I was 13 when I first watched it. And till- date it remains one of the few movies I can re-watch and go back to. At that impressionable age ...

It's chaos all over in my head. Or wait, why do I feel the need to classify it as chaos? This never ending dimensional crisis to our personalities has put me in a fix- literally. One of my best friends from school, someone I know since I was six years old was going through such a big crisis in his life. He called me a few years ago when my number was the only one he remembered and my advice mattered to him, and I didn't respond then. How guilty do I feel now on learning that he needed my help. A simple gesture of listening to his problem on the phone could have bought him some peace. But I was adamant over something back then. We had had the biggest fight over something that in early 20's felt like it mattered a lot. Friendship is a vague term, a place holder actually. There's nothing like friendship that lasts forever, or a friendship where everything is perfect. No, nothing of this sort exists. We constantly evolve and grow out of our immaturity and keep balancing o...

Ever since I was a child, I heard my Dad constantly speak of moral values to me. And not just speak about them, I've seen these being practised too. Integrity and Character are two important assets that I've learned from my father. He always stressed on importance of character in a person. To him, honesty, morality, integrity, compassion are not merely words or virtues but essential components (yes, I use this word!) for all of us to live with in this world. So today something happened that shattered my belief in honesty of character. I kept thinking about how idiotic people like me exist in this world who still trust people with all their heart. We mustn't, clearly. But then it also made me think about kindness and the loyalty that still exists. So why are there such contrasting feelings being played by people? What joy do certain people get from breaking someone's trust? My anger subsided relatively easily when I realized that we cannot take responsibility for peop...

Isn't it an absolute delight when our deeds or thoughts touch or inspire people? I love this feeling. It's a very small achievement on our part as human beings. To bring some happiness in someone's life without changing our attitude, is in itself an act of kindness. Since we've become so self-centered and obsessed with our own individual lives, such little things do bring happiness. I feel immensely good within my heart to hear someone being touched by my small act. One quote that really got my attention today was this- "I think one of the greatest feelings in the world is when someone openly tells you how much you mean to them. Stuff like that is so rare."  This just took me back into so many memories where when I was told this I didn't like it because I didn't trust the people saying that to me. How naive and foolish I was! I loathed their affection with such distrust. I was learning and I would like to believe I learn from my past mistakes. So...

I always thought social networking sites don't really show the real faces of people. But as it turns out, they do. I was wrong in my opinion. I have had the good fortune of knowing the TRUE face of friends and their friends who became mine, after a while. It's truly a wonderful world. The more we try to forgive people, the more vile they seem to be in reality. And, isn't it really a good thing that they are exposed, the earlier, the better for us! Trust and Kindness are two good traits we must not seemingly waste on everyone, even the one's we think are close to us. I know this thought sounds unruly and selfish, but believe me, people are always moving around in masks. They have masked their real faces, and personalities, so we unfortunately fall for the sugary, sweet demeanor which really is just a ply on their part. Seriously, just chuck all those self-help books that tell us all the time to be kind, good-natured, trusting souls. Apparently, in this age and day,...

Has it ever happened with anyone else that we meet some person, get charmed by their talk and later find out about the various interesting things they've done in their life? I recently got to meet one such person. She works with National Geographic Traveller, India magazine. We hit it off instantly over books, the 90's, social structure and so many varied topics. In fact, we are members of the same library. I felt so good to meet such a wonderful person after a long time. That doesn't mean, I don't meet nice/good people. I do. It's just that sometimes I take so much time in knowing a person that it feels like I like solitude around me, which is not true. I am a people person. Okay, maybe not an out-going people person, but I love meeting people who initiate and carry great conversation that more or less matches my enthusiasm. I rarely open up before strangers. Some strangers just don't seem like one. Talking to them makes us feel like we've known them for ...

कभी सोचा ना था के यह मेरे साथ भी होगा।  पर मैं तो अक्सर बहुत कुछ सोचती नहीं और वह होते रहता हैं। जब तक उसका एहसास हो, वह बात और समा गुजर चुके होते है। क्या यह मेरी कमजोरी है या मेरा अँधा विश्वास लोगों पर, चीज़ों पर, वक़्त पर? शायद बहुत ज्यादा मासूमियत से बर्ताव करने की आदत हो चुकी है मुझे, इसलिए ऐसे जब कभी मन को ठेस पहुँचती है तो सहा नहीं जाता।  खैर, अब ये उम्र ही क्या और ये ज़िंदगी ही क्या जिसमे गिले- शिक़वे ना हो? अपने आप में रहने का कोई मकसद नहीं ना ही खुद को जलाकर रौशनी फैलाने की चाह रखने की उम्मीद रखे। दुनिया बड़ी जालिम है जनाब, कही हम यहाँ आकर अपने आप को ही ना मिटा दें। बस इतना याद रखें की ज़िंदगी बहुत छोटी है, जो गुजर गयी वह कल की बात थी। आनेवाले सूरज को अपनाओ, इतने से तो लम्हें हात लगें है हमारे।