The Rebelle blog

इस साल की शुरुआत काफी अच्छी रही।  मेरी मुलाक़ात इक नयी दोस्त से हुई। वह इतनी जल्दी प्यारी हो गयी की कभी उसके अजनबी होने का एहसास हुआ ही नहीं।  हम बहुत बातें करते हैं, बहुत सारे विषयों पर - संगीत में हम दोनों को बहुत रूचि है, किताबें पढ़ने में वह दिलचस्पी रखती है और रोज सुबह मेरे लिए कॉफ़ी तक बना लाती है। बहुत मीठी, नर्म मिजाज़ की है मेरी दोस्त।  उनका नाम भी उतना ही प्यारा है, बिलकुल उनके स्वाभाव की तरह। मेरी दोस्त कहलाती है - रजनीगंधा! पहली मुलाकात में उनका नाम सुनते ही मैं गाना गुनगुनाने लगी- 'रजनीगंधा फूल तुम्हारे, महके यूँही जीवन में....' ऐसा बहुत काम बार होता हैं जब हम दूसरों से किसी अवरोध बिना अपनी छोटी-बड़ी बातें बाँटते है, बगैर किसी हिचकिचाहट। इसमें सुननेवाले इंसान के संयम को दाद देनी जरूरी है। मेरे बहुत अच्छे दोस्तों में जल्द ही रजनी शामिल हो चुकी है। यूँ तो यह कहना गलत नहीं होगा की बढ़ती उम्र के साथ हमारी दोस्तियां कम हो जाती है, उनमे से बहुत तो ख़त्म तक होती है। हम बस जिंदगी की रफ़्तार में भागते हुये उन्हें भुला देते हैं। किसी फुरसत भरे पल शायद वह हमें याद भी आती है, पर...

It all began with a wedding. My friend was getting married in Kerala over a lavish 5-day ceremony last year in May. I had never been to Kerala and jumped the opportunity to attend the wedding. I bought a one-way ticket, to begin with. Little did I know that not only my stay at the wedding festivities make me fall in love with the places I was at but make me want to travel more. I met two friends of the groom who were from Poland and on their very first visit to Kerala. We decided to travel together on the train; I was going to Kochi, they were going to Allepey. We hit it off really well through the journey, talking about poetry and cities, movies, and music. Midway through the train travel when the Ticket Collector approached them, they decided to abandon their Allepey plan and join me in staying at Kochi and exploring the city. Thus, began the Kochi sojourn for three girls without a map, without an itinerary. We landed up at 3pm at Kochi and went for a stroll around 5. The evenin...

Until you mentioned it, I hadn't bothered about the date and the day. A lot of laughter as usual but I can't seem to remember most part of our conversation. Perhaps, because you seemed to hypnotize the surroundings around you. For once, you were talking and I wasn't. It was a surreal moment to see you there after this long. Is this the defining year in our lives when things shall change? When we realise that people will not always share the same vibes as us and that not many shall complement our ways and thoughts. Or, perhaps we know this truth already. I ask a hundred questions in my head and get answers to them through your silence. The hustle bustle of coffee bars and bakeries, the sweet aromas that linger with each visit to a city we love so much binds us together. I look at the crowds and disperse with them as you stay back in my mind.  The magic in my life seems to traverse with your response and kindness. Have I always felt such dependence on you for my emoti...

6th January, 2020. I finished my morning class and was sitting in the staff lounge when one of my senior final year students, approaches me with a cheery Good Morning. He has just returned from Bengaluru and we exchange pleasantries. Then, he presents me this brown packet with a large box of Mysore Pak in it. My eyes spark with happiness as I take it from him. This is how life responds when we are engaged in the daily grind. It gifts us happiness in the form of Mysore Pak (in my case.) Yesterday, on a cold wintry Bombay morning, I reached Kyani Bakery at Marine Lines and met my Swapbook family for a book walk through three catholic neighbourhoods of Sonapur, Cavela nd Dabul near Marine Lines. We hugged and squeaked with delight as friends met after a long time. As we started walking through the now empty Sunday morning streets in JSS road, I became aware of the buildings and people around me. Our conversations reached a zenith as we all laughed and ribbed each other in good h...

I found myself in the middle of a Bandh, not a new event now for Mumbaikars. I managed to reach my workplace in time, but the empty campus was a sharp reminder of how much we have surrendered our lives to these hooligans. After spending half a day doing nothing, especially since I was back after a long week, all of us decided to head home after a while. And what a timely decision to head home since the situation escalated badly after 3pm. We adjusted ourselves in the car singing songs, at the top of our lungs just about making up lyrics and making new ones. On the way, I also got a glimpse of the architectural wonders of Navi Mumbai through a very lively commentary by our colleague. My friends, Shuchi and Sarath. welcomed me and Cynthia into their house and like they say, each house carries their spirit and I could sense it in theirs. We watched COCO, the animated flick and every good film tears me up from inside, so it happened with this as well. So invested was I that I couldn...

One of my quieter friends, while on a trip to a beach standing on the ferry showed me some seagulls flying above the muddy waters. He said, look above you and stretch your vision as far as you may so that you remember this moment and me. I was so overwhelmed with the surroundings and his words, considering I was very young then, that I kept my eyes focused on the flying seagulls for a long time until our other friends dragged us out of the ferry. Such a sweet, passing moment but one that still finds me in the grip of memories till date whenever I think of that trip. My friend reiterated how he found melancholy in the flight of the seagulls and because I was a tad too softhearted back then I saw myself searching for the sorrow and misery of their flight. It didn't help that we both spoke about the passage of time and our tirade through the bouncing college life that we were supposed to leave in another year or two for our graduation. I kept the conversation in my head for a long t...

Okay, I am super happy today. It was the happiest weekend I had in years. The reason being, I met my friend and the family over a function and we all enjoyed and had a lovely, peaceful, memorable time. Nobody and nothing screwed my mood nor were there any unpleasantries that lurked around as they do when the celebrations start coming to an end. Every laughter was so genuine and heartfelt that I never felt like an insider in their family. That is the best part of being well-behaved and popular with your friends and their families.  On a serious note, I had some insightful conversations with people whose opinions matter to me. And they reflected what I understand to be genuine empathy and concern for whatever I am doing these days. It is extremely important to have support systems in life be they in the form of family or friends. Today, as the International Family Day comes to an end in a few hours from now, I would say, be grateful for your family, for the unconditional lov...

Good writers read more, then do good readers write more? I have always been quite fixated on counter-questioning everything I read/see/hear. This became more prominent during Architecture school. In a sorts, it was the perfect place that allowed me the time and opportunity to become what I wished to. I never possessed a rebellious streak. School was more about competition for the top three ranks. It did not foster the kind of person I would have liked to become. It was cut-throat competitiveness over grades and being teachers' pet. Every child seemed to vie for attention from teachers. It didn't help that my class was full of smart kids, who excelled in sports, the school curriculum and popularity among peers. Since thinking about those days, I now laugh over how each one of us wanted to outsmart everyone else. Architecture really gave an open challenge to a lot of people I met in the beginning. It was supposed to be the creamiest of professional courses, something tha...

On this day today, exactly eight years ago I met somebody who since then has become an essential part of my life. It began with a discussion on 'Illusions' and turned to literature, human existential crisis, historical references and has continued till today. We discuss, talk, argue, write long mails to each other attacking and defending our views on topics that range from Mughals, Indian History, Societal degradation, Art, institutions of marriage & companionship and a lot many things. This friend has influenced and channelled a lot of positive thinking into me. I usually talk of Keats and beauty and truth in the same breath while my friend carefully fragments beauty and truth as ideals and groups Keats with Gulzar. We meet only once a year and that meeting lasts for about an hour or two in which we cram Atticus & Morrie, gender stereotyping, political hoodwinking, architecture and social accountability whilst savouring the absolute pleasure of our brief meetings. ...

I feel over the moon right now. Two reasons; first, I finally seem to have mastered the map of the world and second, one of my dear friends who had been busy studying Law at a faraway place wrote to me after a long time. It's the happiness from two good things that have happened to me today and I am just so overwhelmed. The geography of the world was really getting under my nerves. I had always been a good geography student during school and then also during architecture, when we would roam cities and distant places, with maps, without maps. I used to take pride in the fact that unlike the stereotyped notion of women having no sense of maps and directions, I could actually read them, understand and arrive on locations and could also direct people in need. But this world map was mocking me and teasing about having lost practice of locating places on maps. One of my favourite childhood games and even today, is naming countries and their capitals. I was obsessed with information abo...

Two days of inadvertent internet detoxification did me no good. Instead it served to my ever increasing anxiety of not meeting submission deadlines, missing important mails and also, feeling handicapped about not knowing the world news. I say this with such ferocity as if all this matters hugely. At that moment, it seems like it does. Mostly, our own preoccupied notions of being busy does the bit. Today is different. Everything seems so different and a soothing calm reigns over today. One of my best friends, Sneha got married today. Seeing her in the traditional wedding attire and all decked up in jewellery and make up, smiling every time the photographer asked her to, made me nostalgic of our times together. How in knowing each other since 11 years has made us finish each other's sentences, from passionate, long book conversations to feminist discussions at Anand ice creams, not giving hood to passers by and indulging in endless hours of talk. Our journey really began during...

I love showing people around this city I love so much! Mumbai- city of dreams, hard work, happy spirits and a melting pot of people from all over India. Truly, it gives an opportunity to everyone. So, when a school friend called up one fine sunday morning to give news that he was in town, we quickly arranged a monday meet. Place of meeting- Victoria Terminus- Trust me no one can get lost here. Although it's said that most people get lost at railway stations, not at this terminus. Our wonderful encounter started with walking past Azad Maidan, through khau galli (eatery lane in english, though its not a formal name!), catching up on the last few years. The stroll through leafy enclaves in Marine Lines made us aware we were starving throughout. A sumptuous meal accompanied with Cranberry Juice and buying Tinkle issues for ourselves which we later signed for each other made for a great laughter session. I kept pointing Art Deco structures, and spouting history too. My friend is a pa...

It's chaos all over in my head. Or wait, why do I feel the need to classify it as chaos? This never ending dimensional crisis to our personalities has put me in a fix- literally. One of my best friends from school, someone I know since I was six years old was going through such a big crisis in his life. He called me a few years ago when my number was the only one he remembered and my advice mattered to him, and I didn't respond then. How guilty do I feel now on learning that he needed my help. A simple gesture of listening to his problem on the phone could have bought him some peace. But I was adamant over something back then. We had had the biggest fight over something that in early 20's felt like it mattered a lot. Friendship is a vague term, a place holder actually. There's nothing like friendship that lasts forever, or a friendship where everything is perfect. No, nothing of this sort exists. We constantly evolve and grow out of our immaturity and keep balancing o...

2003! My first year of Junior College. Till that point, I had a very limited world. I knew some selected friends from school and it was usually home to school and back. The junior college acquainted me with vernacular medium students for the first time. It was great fun to try to speak in Marathi because most of them couldn't process English quickly. I got some of my best friendships there. LIVI, my bestie since 2003 now, is one of the nicest persons I've met in my life. I remember when we had just introduced ourselves in class and during the lunch break, she called me to share food. It was my foray into a warm friendship that would last for many more years to come. Our talks revealed our book love and thus we started staying together, leaving by the same train after college hours. One morning, I was late but was so excited to tell her something. I had heard Enrique Iglesias's song "Rhythm Divine" on TV the day before and was so enamoured by it. (Now that I ...

Just read this on the internet. Something that I had been meaning to write about too. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Memories... they are potent things... because they never leave us. Even when the people we shared them with cease to exist, memories remain... etched in the deepest corners of our soul. Sometimes they are our source of comfort and other times the reason behind our joy. We often reflect on them when thinking about the lessons learnt in life and every now and again, a memory has the power to completely transform us. But memories can be harsh too. They can haunt you, mock you, break your heart into a million pieces and remind you of all you had and what you lost. But can you really destroy or rewrite memories? No, of course you can't... just like you can't erase them from your mind. ------------------------------------------...

I was reading some old mails and the conversations with one of my friends cracked me up. It made me laugh heartily, reminded me of my naivety, and his kindness. We exchanged stories, poems, songs and books read/to-read lists... I reminisce about that nice time in our lives barely 6 years ago. Today, we are no longer in touch with each other.. I would like to, but I think some people really come into our lives only for a short time yet they fill our lives with such wisdom and genuine kindness; it feels like time perhaps needed to freeze itself. If I had the power to do so, I definitely would; not knowing of the future of our friendship. I think this often happens with me. I befriend someone and we share great conversations and memories which I think will last forever, but they don't. It used to pain me and also depress me knowing all the nice people I knew were leaving me one after another. But now I've grown up. I still think of all my friends who came into my life ...