The Rebelle blog

Take your broken heart, make it into art.  I feel utterly foolish, for believing that we are always able to guide our way into something we want. I think it is the result of blind trust into too many bookish aphorisms I've been reading since as long as I remember. The thing with misery, self-doubt, anger, hatred, aggression is that it all originates within us when we learn that no one else can put enough faith in us as a person, apart from ourselves. And even that little self-belief we have been pumping into ourselves starts to wane. We should bother less about the world and more about our individual lives because who cares? What is happening to the world out there apart from our little personal worlds is far bigger and will always continue. That's a harsh fact said but it's true. Someone I look up to, recently (read) 22 hours ago, said this to me. I understand frustration. Who doesn't? We are living in the worst times ever. Even Dickens would agree there's ha...

Something that I started a few days ago, well, actually more than a month ago, it no longer makes me happy. My interest has not totally subsided but I can't find the longing for it in the same intensity when I first started. And who can I put the blame for this? Me, of course, no one else. I don't feel like my former self any more. I don't wish to dwell in too much misery either but the drive to get things done and put my energies into it is increasingly missing. I feel like I am losing a substantial part of my persona which controls me and eggs me to do things. Not just do things, but be alive and active. That go-getter attitude is missing. And it is me alone who realises this, because for others my positive spirits are visible and even an inspiration but my inner me knows what is wrong. It's absurd at times when this realisation sets in that perhaps I am troubling myself unnecessarily, that it's all in my mind except it is not. What is happiness after all? I...

Okay, this year has been a bad one for me too. I say 'me too' coz someone else had it too and she wrote about it. Here's what she said: http://www.writingoutloud.com.au/2011/12/a-little-break-and-a-promise-to-myself.html So, i say bad- terrible- in fact, because ever since leaving my academic life, studies, college nothing good has happened. I feel like i would have to sell my soul to make things work out. Because all the good spirit, the triumph through troubles isn't working for/with me! I am increasingly losing out on my confidence, my best traits, seeing myself in extreme negative light, always being fear-stricken, being someone that i am not. I am weak now, in spirits, totally shattered with things happening around. All of them bad, nothing worthwhile, achievements- zero. I feel ashamed and embarrassed to even meet people, my own friends too. Like they keep on doing something in their lives and I am here- doing nothing. Do I even have it in me to make big? Forge...