The Rebelle blog

There is simply too much to do. Too much academic strain, too much to stress about life's not-so-good moments, too much sorrow, too much work I would like to accomplish in 24 hours than I usually get done. This 'too much' is creating a big havoc in my brain right now. I find myself in a constant dilemma to wade my way through all this seemingly messy chaos. Is chaos ever organized? As I go through another round of exams and academia, just for a tiny second a thought about whether this is all really worth crosses my mind. But it's best to shove all this unwanted negative thinking under the carpet. Some days are bad, some days are good, but in the end it all comes down to our grit and self- confidence. Yes, yes, I have been falling into a quite persistent cycle of hopelessness, self-trust and misplaced faith. It's a chakra- an endless rabbit hole where I keep tugging towards a spirit that pulls me down at ends and sometimes just lifts and soars my heart to great...

My brain is fried with information overload, discussions on varied topics from architecture to gender theories and my Civil Service Examination studies. I truly can't seem to handle this immense pressure. Today especially just feels so hectic and stressed. I was reading interviews of UPSC candidates and it made me realise what a great lot of hard work I've to put in. It's not easy. And, since I don't think I'm exceptionally brilliant, studying hard and with determination is the only go right now. I just feel too lost sometimes. There are distractions- yes, but these mostly seem to be the vague kind. I'm not someone to be easily influenced by material happiness or momentary pleasures of life. Yes, I do get affected a lot by failure- to perform, to fulfill expectations, to outdo myself. I'm that 'go getter' kind who also is scared of giving up midway and tends to have serious doubts about her own capabilities. But, I am also someone who never gives...