The Rebelle blog

I severely despise drama, melodrama, malaise of all kinds. And yet here I am spending an October Saturday in misery over the way people can't deal with their problems. Anger and Anxiety are going to be the death of this world. Just last night the news reported a survey of 31% officegoers suffering from office-related stress in my city. I actually feel that number is at least 91%! If only all of us learnt to live (and, lie alternately) in harmony and in unison, there would be no stress and participation in such grisly surveys. But, this is life and we are the saddest lot in it. Unfortunately, I am not in my very best spirits to write here, but in the hopes that writing shall cure me of my endless suffering, I unleash my fury at the world (and, myself!).  Just today morning, I told a friend that "all conditioned things are impermanent," and while it is true generally, today it doesn't feel so. Somehow, hatred and anger and vile things have become a permanence in o...

Dylan Thomas wrote this and I am merely reiterating his words. How difficult it has become to be gentle! Or must I put it this way, how difficult is it to be gentle? I write here thinking about how cruelty often marks our hold on compassion. I feel too terrible about unleashing my fury on an innocent person, somebody I care for and would not like to put down with meanness. I wish I could just turn skip that moment in time and then behave calmly as I usually do. I cannot bear this guilt. How many times have I acted like this? The more I think of it, the more it kills me. I ought to reprimand myself. Everyone is trying their best. We cannot fight our battles with someone else just because we are not done with fighting with ourselves. It indeed is very exasperating to carry such a burden in our hearts when we could be doing so much more with a clean conscience. The more I write here, calm washes ashore all over me. This has been a lesson. Sometimes in my overstretched reverie, I see...

Just when I think happiness is here to stay, something unpleasant happens. Shit happens. Not even the Buddha could help peace to extend its stay in my abode. Anger is very dangerous. But I am so disappointed, so heart broken. How pathetic that just today I was reading Russell quote- Man has the springs of action within him for he is born with certain tendencies to act. External circumstances do not induce activity. They merely re-direct it. Who would've thought? I am reminded of those days when this instability and uncertainty instilled fear in me. It shattered my belief and trust at an age when perhaps I could not fully apprehend the anger and the hurt and the reasons behind them. It's a wonder that I could transport back to those days of sorrow and feel remorseful at my inability to help calm the storm. Children are very sensitive to violence and domestic squabbles especially if they see that their happy abode is actually a can of worms, waiting to come out. It's...

It's chaos all over in my head. Or wait, why do I feel the need to classify it as chaos? This never ending dimensional crisis to our personalities has put me in a fix- literally. One of my best friends from school, someone I know since I was six years old was going through such a big crisis in his life. He called me a few years ago when my number was the only one he remembered and my advice mattered to him, and I didn't respond then. How guilty do I feel now on learning that he needed my help. A simple gesture of listening to his problem on the phone could have bought him some peace. But I was adamant over something back then. We had had the biggest fight over something that in early 20's felt like it mattered a lot. Friendship is a vague term, a place holder actually. There's nothing like friendship that lasts forever, or a friendship where everything is perfect. No, nothing of this sort exists. We constantly evolve and grow out of our immaturity and keep balancing o...

Ever since I was a child, I heard my Dad constantly speak of moral values to me. And not just speak about them, I've seen these being practised too. Integrity and Character are two important assets that I've learned from my father. He always stressed on importance of character in a person. To him, honesty, morality, integrity, compassion are not merely words or virtues but essential components (yes, I use this word!) for all of us to live with in this world. So today something happened that shattered my belief in honesty of character. I kept thinking about how idiotic people like me exist in this world who still trust people with all their heart. We mustn't, clearly. But then it also made me think about kindness and the loyalty that still exists. So why are there such contrasting feelings being played by people? What joy do certain people get from breaking someone's trust? My anger subsided relatively easily when I realized that we cannot take responsibility for peop...

Years ago, when I first read 'A Tale of Two Cities' and last week when I re-read it, I realized this one feeling I had even then that no matter who you trust, however trustworthy and kind they seem, you'll end up getting betrayed and hurt. And, its very true even today. Human nature just hasn't evolved over time. These characteristics of Anger, Jealousy, Hatred are still pretty much alive and kicking us with their ugly heads more than ever. Dickens knew what he was writing. Us, humans- we've set up boundaries for everyone, even ourselves. We won't cross them even when we know we are wrong, or mistaken or that someone is in distress because of us. We love massaging our petty mindsets about our greatness and our potential when the only thing that should really matter is being a better human being. A better person to our own selves and to others. That would do a big service to the entire mankind than anything ever done. Of course, we are bound to get disappointed ...

It pains me to see my friends betraying my trust. Of course, meditation and all the other worldly techniques don't help while expressing the endless reasons as to why they did this! They say Friends are Forever... I don't think so. I read an interesting quote yesterday that goes, "People love your work until they have to pay for it." I think it's the same with friends too. They are by your side, in your homes and hearts until they are also getting benefitted in a way or two. Benefit of your good company, your extended friends circle or any other such reasons. I have to learn how to cope up with this- getting betrayed by people I trust and especially if they happen to be friends. People shouldn't and just can't walk all over us because we are nice. They have no right to do so. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- These w...

I fail to understand why people get angry so often and so quickly? And, why do they scream at the top of their lungs? Do they not realize, they are storing all that hatred in themselves and by screaming at others, it not only affects the other person but themselves most? It disturbs me to a great deal if my inner peace is busted, say early morning, while I am boarding a train and some woman randomly insults me and pulls off a meany comment and keeps on going...or, my younger sibling starts throwing a tantrum if she cannot find her study books (which she was studying from the previous night), or her stack of project papers or even her clothes! Most disgusting is when she starts arguing in loud tones with her mother. At times like these, if I am present in the room where such loud aggression is seen, I try to be calm; or leave the room; or mostly just try to ignore the ongoing hullabaloo. I remember once visiting a family member and as soon as I entered their house, the teen daughte...