The Rebelle blog

Why did we begin in the first place to complete something? Always go back to the reasons we started doing something we liked. Very straightforward, isn't it? We are what we think! My many musings these days apart from the random chaos that plagues my mind found me reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Joan Didion, simultaneously. As I went through Marquez's words, it dawned upon me of the many vices that reside within us, which have a better hold than we think they do. It's all part of our making and our inner being the way it is. I once read somewhere that "Your mind will always believe everything you tell it. Feed it faith. Feed it truth. Feed it with love." How then do we still end up belittling ourselves to such an extent that it harms us? Words have the potent power of endangering minds and souls into a deep abyss of destruction. I am filled with a mad rage at the world. We give ourselves to the world, its avarices and end up empty handed, figuratively ...

'Shut your eyes and see', wrote James Joyce. And what is it that we shall see, sadly no one wrote a manual for it. Why is it that some people can see things the way they are while others just fail to look beyond the superficiality we are presented with? I wish there were an easy answer. As I sit here, writing behind the computer screen wishing for a boon to understand the mechanism of finding answers to the many questions that plague my existence, it's hard not to feel dejected and cynical about expressing it. A friend sent me a quote about Zero. It reads as follows:  The terms 'void' and 'zero' do not imply that nothing is present. 'Zero' is a point from which the scope for progress is infinite, and 'zero' is complete in itself.  It's this nothingness I am afraid of, aren't we all? There is a vacuum inside us that we all fear. Some people go insane trying to figure out the meaning of this void that dominates our psyche. Oth...

There is so much chaos in and around our lives. Everywhere one looks at, there is noise, outrage, unhappiness, distress and uncertainty. When did this happen? We have become such slaves to lifestyles that chaos has become an essential part of us. Don't we all long for some solitude? That ME time, away from people and places increasingly! There are retreats now customised solely to help us achieve this inner peace and calm that we have been searching for from the vagaries of our busy lives. Nature has become a friend suddenly. So many people go on weekend trails and hikes on mountains, which is absolutely great. It also tests our physical fitness while really getting us acquainted newly with the many facets of nature. We miss out on so many things during the daily chaos. Even children who were thought to live stress-free lives for generations are now found to suffer from depression and anxiety. This is becoming worrisome. In our longing for better lifestyles and living conditi...

During my childhood, exams didn't seem to make much of a difference. Now they do. Now each exam is a survival point. Firstly, the pressure of getting past through preliminary exams, then the main exams and the last interview part. I admit, I haven't dreaded exams as much as I did during Architecture school. It was horrible back then. April and May felt like the longest months. The juries were terrible. All of them. Always. Now, one reason could be because I deterred the evaluation system and the other was, the jurors never seemed to like the designs. No matter how good the concept or the rendering or the technical details like including ramps throughout the building spaces. I used to be really miffed with the jury members because it seemed pointless that they would only always appreciate great scale models and not the design. Of course, there are exceptions. I really admire my first year Architecture Design teacher who looked beyond presentation and into the actual designing d...

My brain is fried with information overload, discussions on varied topics from architecture to gender theories and my Civil Service Examination studies. I truly can't seem to handle this immense pressure. Today especially just feels so hectic and stressed. I was reading interviews of UPSC candidates and it made me realise what a great lot of hard work I've to put in. It's not easy. And, since I don't think I'm exceptionally brilliant, studying hard and with determination is the only go right now. I just feel too lost sometimes. There are distractions- yes, but these mostly seem to be the vague kind. I'm not someone to be easily influenced by material happiness or momentary pleasures of life. Yes, I do get affected a lot by failure- to perform, to fulfill expectations, to outdo myself. I'm that 'go getter' kind who also is scared of giving up midway and tends to have serious doubts about her own capabilities. But, I am also someone who never gives...