The Rebelle blog

Something that I started a few days ago, well, actually more than a month ago, it no longer makes me happy. My interest has not totally subsided but I can't find the longing for it in the same intensity when I first started. And who can I put the blame for this? Me, of course, no one else. I don't feel like my former self any more. I don't wish to dwell in too much misery either but the drive to get things done and put my energies into it is increasingly missing. I feel like I am losing a substantial part of my persona which controls me and eggs me to do things. Not just do things, but be alive and active. That go-getter attitude is missing. And it is me alone who realises this, because for others my positive spirits are visible and even an inspiration but my inner me knows what is wrong. It's absurd at times when this realisation sets in that perhaps I am troubling myself unnecessarily, that it's all in my mind except it is not. What is happiness after all? I...

And the storm rages on! There is a big one inside me, right now. I don't quite know how to contain it. It's a very confusing thought to ponder upon because everything is so hazy and blurry and I can't see clear through anything. I have always had a strong clarity of thought since I know how to express and articulate the happenings in my life. But I just don't feel so confident or self-assured about my strong convictions these days. It's like a bizarre dream I am in, only I can't see what it ends in and where it leads me ahead. I have always, always had a very clear journey chartered in front of me, I have visualised the paths that lead me to my goals. I have been headstrong about having a desire, a dream and a vision and the fiercest of beliefs that I am going to make this all come true. Down these years, sometimes my focus has loosened its hold upon the dreams and the passion too, so I feel haywire now. I am constantly looking for inspiration from outside...

It's chaos all over in my head. Or wait, why do I feel the need to classify it as chaos? This never ending dimensional crisis to our personalities has put me in a fix- literally. One of my best friends from school, someone I know since I was six years old was going through such a big crisis in his life. He called me a few years ago when my number was the only one he remembered and my advice mattered to him, and I didn't respond then. How guilty do I feel now on learning that he needed my help. A simple gesture of listening to his problem on the phone could have bought him some peace. But I was adamant over something back then. We had had the biggest fight over something that in early 20's felt like it mattered a lot. Friendship is a vague term, a place holder actually. There's nothing like friendship that lasts forever, or a friendship where everything is perfect. No, nothing of this sort exists. We constantly evolve and grow out of our immaturity and keep balancing o...

Published as  Gaza - The Hindu , August 02, 2014, written by Sudeep Sen. Soaked in blood, children, their heads blown out even before they are formed.  Gauze, gauze, more gauze — interminable lengths not long enough to soak  all the blood in Gaza. A river of blood flowing, flooding the desert sands with incarnadine hate. An endless lava stream, a wellspring red river on an otherwise parched-orphaned land, bombed every five minutes to strip Gaza of whatever  is left of the Gaza strip. With sullied hands of innocent children,  we strip ourselves  of all dignity and grace. Look at the bodies  of the little ones killed —  their scarred faces smile, their vacant eyes stare  with no malice at the futility of all the blood that is spilt. And even as we refuse to learn from the wasted deaths of these children,  their parents, country, world — weep ...