The Rebelle blog

I am embarking on a new journey this year. One that takes me through herbs, spices, lots of vegetables and images that satiate my thirst for something I have never attempted wholeheartedly or given any consideration previously. I am going to try my hand at Cooking. I hope I stick to this idea. Never been a big fan of food or kitchen antics despite seeing this passion in my mother and younger sister. Both of them go balsamic(intended with a pun) at the thought of creating new recipes. I have forever been the person who dives her nose deep into books especially when the ladies are on a cooking expedition. Lately though, I feel my senses are stimulating themselves to smells and fragrances drifting from above our kitchen. My Dad recently gifted my Mom a big, heavy set Julia Child-ish book of Indian Recipes. True to her passionate self, we have been eating wonderfully creative dinners and Sunday lunches for the past few weeks. I knew some of my mother's passion must have rubbed off on...

I just got some news about something I was eagerly awaiting for since the past few months. I am supposed to be happy but I am not. Clearly the focus and attention from the said news has lost its value for me. Isn't is quite common to find that something we long for loses its prospects after sometime? Especially if these prospects are regarding employment. Career shift. I can't quite fully fathom in what terms this move will reward my future. Will it tie me to a stagnant post or will it truly let some practical issues be sorted out and declutter the existing chaos? I wish I had an idea about everything that happens the way it does. Right now, my brain is in a frenzy. There are times when I wish I had a more diplomatic bone in my body so that I could not let everything get by so easily around me. Once we get comfortable about a position, chances are we rarely lead ourselves to experiment and step up further. It's like the classic life move for women; study, graduate with go...

क्या हुआ जो युग हमारे आगमन पर मौन? सूर्य की पहली किरण पहचानता है कौन? अर्थ कल लेंगे हमारे आज के संकेत।  #दुष्यन्तकुमार आज मुझे खामोशी की आवाज़ सुननी थी। मगर कही सुनाई नहीं दी। रोजमर्रा की जिंदगी में इतने सारे हादसे होते रहते है की उनका महत्व कम हो गया है। उन्हें बार बार दोहराने का कोई फायदा ही नहीं। पहले किसी दोस्त को मन की दुविधा कितनी आसानी से बता दिया करती थी मैं, आज उसी दोस्त को मेरी बातों का बोझ न लगे इसी विवंचना के कारण मैं खामोश हो जाती हूँ। कितनी अजीब बात है की हम में से कई लोगों को एहसास तक नहीं होता जिंदगी की इस टेढ़ी-मेढ़ी झंझटों का और यदि एहसास हो भी जायें तो उसमें से बाहर कैसे निकले ये एक नयी पहेली सामने आ खड़ी उठती है। कुछ साल पहले तक मुझे खुदसे बहुत शिकायत होती थी की मेरी जिंदगी किसी और की तरह क्यों नहीं है। जैसे मैं किसी और को अपने नजर से देखती थी तो उनकी जिंदगी मुझे बड़ी परिपूर्ण लगती थी और खुदकी बहुत कष्टप्राय। यह एहसास श्री. मुन्शी प्रेमचंदजी की कहानियाँ पढ़कर द्विगुणित हो जाता था। फिर धीरे- धीरे बात ऐसी समझ आयीं की ना ही किसी और के सुख से हमें अपने दुखों का क...

So March is about to end in three days. I have written a blog post every day in March, consistently. And I am so happy and proud to have stuck to my resolve of writing daily here. It is wonderful to have thought of so many things daily and have the opportunity of sharing them here. Writing without any inhibitions. Of course, this has made me realise how difficult it is to continue something every single day without pulling any stops on the way. It's not easy to write daily. You know, open the computer, think of words to come out on subjects that vary from feminism, poetry to childhood memories. It does help that these happen to be my favourite things, my areas of interest and so I can speak, write and also read about them tirelessly. It takes even less time to develop an idea into the core of issues to fully fathom what it really means to me. The effects of everything that I have been living daily through reading, seeing things the way they are and choosing to delve into them...

There is simply too much to do. Too much academic strain, too much to stress about life's not-so-good moments, too much sorrow, too much work I would like to accomplish in 24 hours than I usually get done. This 'too much' is creating a big havoc in my brain right now. I find myself in a constant dilemma to wade my way through all this seemingly messy chaos. Is chaos ever organized? As I go through another round of exams and academia, just for a tiny second a thought about whether this is all really worth crosses my mind. But it's best to shove all this unwanted negative thinking under the carpet. Some days are bad, some days are good, but in the end it all comes down to our grit and self- confidence. Yes, yes, I have been falling into a quite persistent cycle of hopelessness, self-trust and misplaced faith. It's a chakra- an endless rabbit hole where I keep tugging towards a spirit that pulls me down at ends and sometimes just lifts and soars my heart to great...

I am inspired to write this post after reading a fellow blogger and someone I look up to. Thank you, Mandy. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend since it was his birthday. We got chatting about the current new things in our lives. When I mentioned that I am taking some academic courses apart from my Civil Services studies, he discouraged me saying I should focus on some goal. An only goal where I would be the best. I tried reasoning and telling him how these courses are shaping my understanding as a person, someone who is into Sociology and the likes but I failed miserably. I had to listen to a lot of negative and discouraging conversation. Dejected but also in a way feeling that not many people understand the importance of studying various fields, I hung up. And today, I read  Mandy's blogpost  about using goals as tools. She is such an inspiration to me. I always feel that having too many goals can be a distraction but I also strongly believe that these too many go...