The Rebelle blog

I am inspired to write this post after reading a fellow blogger and someone I look up to. Thank you, Mandy. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend since it was his birthday. We got chatting about the current new things in our lives. When I mentioned that I am taking some academic courses apart from my Civil Services studies, he discouraged me saying I should focus on some goal. An only goal where I would be the best. I tried reasoning and telling him how these courses are shaping my understanding as a person, someone who is into Sociology and the likes but I failed miserably. I had to listen to a lot of negative and discouraging conversation. Dejected but also in a way feeling that not many people understand the importance of studying various fields, I hung up. And today, I read  Mandy's blogpost  about using goals as tools. She is such an inspiration to me. I always feel that having too many goals can be a distraction but I also strongly believe that these too many go...

My brain is fried with information overload, discussions on varied topics from architecture to gender theories and my Civil Service Examination studies. I truly can't seem to handle this immense pressure. Today especially just feels so hectic and stressed. I was reading interviews of UPSC candidates and it made me realise what a great lot of hard work I've to put in. It's not easy. And, since I don't think I'm exceptionally brilliant, studying hard and with determination is the only go right now. I just feel too lost sometimes. There are distractions- yes, but these mostly seem to be the vague kind. I'm not someone to be easily influenced by material happiness or momentary pleasures of life. Yes, I do get affected a lot by failure- to perform, to fulfill expectations, to outdo myself. I'm that 'go getter' kind who also is scared of giving up midway and tends to have serious doubts about her own capabilities. But, I am also someone who never gives...

I am very happy, today. I will be going for a star gazing event this saturday, something that I've been meaning to do ever since I was in school. I am also excited about reading a big, fat book on Planets, Stars and Galaxies. I feel like a small kid. Maybe I am, at heart. Also, got hold of some poems in an old folder and I decided to post them here. These were written in  2010-11, which was a low phase in my life. I had just graduated from Architecture school, and the internship wasn't coming through. I was an unhappy lot during that period, and my words came out in shades of negative mediocrity. I can't believe how unhappy I was that I could ever use words such as 'blades' or 'hope fades', glad now that I made it through all of that. Of course, like it happens with everyone else, I moved on from all the depression and stressed times in my life and won't be going back to that low phase again anymore, ever. I strongly believe now that we must search...