The Rebelle blog

Today, I came across this poem written by Laurel Chen after Gwendolyn Brooks. I read it first about a year ago and promptly forgot about it seeing how I was dealing with multiple factions in my life then.  I will briefly write about what the words ignited in me today evening as I read them. It's been quite a few days and someone from my family is angry with me. We cease to talk like we did before because we've decided to not talk about the one topic that was all which was left between us. And, so, here we are. As I read the lines,  Grief is not the only geography I know. I wish I could write in words and speak of the untamed ridges that befall upon me as I take in the hurt, anger, guilt and helplessness within me. I couldn't do enough for you, and it shall remain a deep regret within me. If grief is love with nowhere to go, then  Oh, I've loved so immensely. If only I could let you believe that things happen for a reason and why being like this is better right now for a...

Finally, after a long, long time I'm writing here. Last weekend, I attended and volunteered at a four  day brilliant pop up exhibition of second-hand books at Twice Told at Cowrks in Worli. I met friends, fellow readers, and avid readers. My excitement and energy were all over the place as I interacted and had long conversations with people who devoured books like I do. We exchanged ideas and philosophies that ranged from Rumi, Sufi saints, Architecture to cities and urban planning. It was a sheer pleasure to spend my waking hours in the company of people who read and ruminate. This was about last weekend.  This weekend, because of the terrifying rain scare, I spent it indoors at home. There wasn't any electricity for a good part of the day, but I ended up reading. Went through newspapers and the book recommendations, reviews, also rearranged my shelves, took a look at Goodreads after a very long time. Realized that I hadn't updated it with any of my reads from this...

And I write today, yet again, another day when I feel at my lowest, when these noises are deafening my senses and killing my spirits. We sit inside the walls waiting for the sounds of the television to drown this silence that has seeped through us. We are all here, within an arm's reach of each other, yet so distant that no amount of calling will again mend this shrouded family fabric. I am afraid the time has come when everything is set at such a limit that there's no going back. No more is any conversation going to make us the united people we once were. And I weep for this. My heart is broken into pieces never to join again. If only, I could truly just for once turn back the hands of time, do I see some hope. But that's not possible and hence there is no salvation. All hopes and dreams and visions we beheld for our beloved are gone into dust. They are at no point of return to us and we must meekly observe their decay as they take themselves and us in their silly gambi...

It's Christmas and I spent a lovely afternoon watching Piku. Long ago, my aunt watched this movie in a theatre with her son and daughter-in-law, and then telephoned me and said that Piku reminded her of me. This was around 2014, I think. I was so amused that I don't remember asking her what specifically made her say that from seeing the movie. Strangely, I never got around to watch Piku back then. Today was one of those holidays when a movie seemed to be a cosy choice for a lovely December afternoon. Calcutta exudes such a raw charm in the movie. I am just back from the city too. It was cold and wintry and raining for all the four days I was there. We took a short road trip through the city and onto the suburbs, 65 km from Howrah. It was 4:30pm and the skies were losing their light while the air began to get chilly. I feel like I hovered over myself now that I remember the visuals from the journey. Even today, when I close my eyes, all I see are the yellow cabs, red...

I just returned from a weekend trip to a city I've been frequently travelling to in this year. This trip was special. It was a grand get-together of my extended family for celebrating my Grandpa's 75th birthday. The moment I entered the venue, I was greeted with the warmest hugs and affectionate smiles by my grandmothers, aunts and cousins I typically meet only during Diwali due to our hectic schedules now. The party venue was an air-conditioned banquet hall and I started feeling cold in the very first few minutes of being there when my grandma embraced me in her super warm and cosy arms. I instantly got transported back to my childhood. She is one of the nicest persons who also possesses a calm aura around herself that she radiates with a brilliant abundance. I took my grandpa's cold hands in my own and wished him a happy 75th. He immediately remarked how grown up I looked. I had to tell him it was because of my hair, all messy and tangled from the travel when he let out...

Okay, I am super happy today. It was the happiest weekend I had in years. The reason being, I met my friend and the family over a function and we all enjoyed and had a lovely, peaceful, memorable time. Nobody and nothing screwed my mood nor were there any unpleasantries that lurked around as they do when the celebrations start coming to an end. Every laughter was so genuine and heartfelt that I never felt like an insider in their family. That is the best part of being well-behaved and popular with your friends and their families.  On a serious note, I had some insightful conversations with people whose opinions matter to me. And they reflected what I understand to be genuine empathy and concern for whatever I am doing these days. It is extremely important to have support systems in life be they in the form of family or friends. Today, as the International Family Day comes to an end in a few hours from now, I would say, be grateful for your family, for the unconditional lov...

काही लोकांना वेंधळेपणा करण्याची एवढी सवय जडली असते कि कितीही त्यांनी काळजीने काम करण्याचा प्रयत्नापुर्वक निश्चय केला तरीही तो कधी तडीस जात नाही. मला माहित असलेल्या काही वेंधळ्या माणसांबद्दल सांगायचं झालं तर त्याचं प्रत्येक काम किंवा कृती हि इतरांसाठी तापदायकच ठरते बहुतेक वेळा. म्हणजे विद्यार्थ्यांच्या बाबतीत म्हणायचं झालं तर त्यांना परीक्षेत अभ्यास आठवेल का याचं टेन्शन असतं पण तरीही त्यातल्यात्यात त्यांच्या वेंधळेपणात कुठेही कसूर रहात नाही. अगदी परीक्षेची सामग्री नीट घेण्यापासून ते ओळखपत्र, परीक्षेत व्यवस्थित पेपर लिहिण्यापर्यंत सगळ्या गोष्टींमध्ये यांचा धांदरटपणा दिसून येतो. अशा लोकांच्या बेजबाबदार वागण्याची किंमत त्यांच्या परीजनांना भोगावी लागते याचं त्यांना सोयरसुतक देखील नाही. शेवटी काय तर माणूस स्वतःच्या स्वार्थाचाच विचार करतो. मला तर अतिशय राग आहे अशा लोकांच्या आप्पल्पोटेपणाची. त्यांच्या जगाचे ते राजे, सगळं भूमंडल फक्त यांच्या अवतीभवतीच फिरत असल्याचा यांचा फाजील गोड गैरसमज. आपल्यामुळे समोरच्याला केवढा मानसिक त्रास सोसावा लागत असेल याचा थांगपत्तासुद्धा अशा लोकांना नसतो मु...

My Dad is on a cleaning spree today. So, I joined him too. We started from cleaning the Air Conditioning unit. Much to my Dad's chagrin, a pair of pigeons had set up their luxurious abode behind the unit. I pulled a face at the items we found in the nest; long thin knitting needles, chocolate wrappers, cotton, pigeon poop, yarn threads and pen refills. My Dad meticulously cleaned the area, sprayed a disinfectant over it and dusted the cobwebs off the external walls. It was a lot of work. Dad is like a superman with a vacuum cleaner and I was his glad assistant. It's fun to work with my father. He cracks jokes and tells me his school memories, we often end up laughing for long hours. Tomorrow we are cleaning the old trunks and the books inside them. Since we are running out of space now in our house for stocking newer books, Dad and me have decided to have a look inside the trunks and chuck unnecessary material. Both of us have an undying love for the old. We store magazin...

Suddenly after a regular, mundane week of carrying the same activities comes a day like today. I am super happy. I revived my National Geographic account on the internet and posted a few entries. They received such a tremendous response that this encouragement has made me look at everything in a new light. Suddenly, everything seems full of life and lively vigour and my spirits have undergone a positive change. I feel that the spark I felt was missing is here for me to reclaim and embrace again. I wish to share a photograph here that is very dear to me. I clicked this last year during a Christmas vacation on a hill- station with my family. All of us went for an evening walk to see the sunset and hill tops tend to surprise walkers. We were transfixed by the changing soft glow of sun and the incessant chirping of birds that seemed to magnify its sound over the quiet walkways. Somewhere between walking through the uphill roads, my father stopped and took out his cell phone to see th...

“What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed in there, regardless. It wasn't just about blood relations or shared chromosomes, but something wider, bigger. We had many families over time. Our family of origin, the family we created, and the groups you moved through while all of this was happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them perfect, and we couldn't expect them to be. You can't make any one person your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build your world from it.”  This quote is from Sarah Dessen's YA novel, Lock and Key . I have often looked into this quote and her words to understand the concept of family. One of my very first and also favourite childhood movies is The Parent Trap . I was 13 when I first watched it. And till- date it remains one of the few movies I can re-watch and go back to. At that impressionable age ...