Okay, this year has been a bad one for me too. I say 'me too' coz someone else had it too and she wrote about it. Here's what she said: http://www.writingoutloud.com.au/2011/12/a-little-break-and-a-promise-to-myself.html
So, i say bad- terrible- in fact, because ever since leaving my academic life, studies, college nothing good has happened. I feel like i would have to sell my soul to make things work out. Because all the good spirit, the triumph through troubles isn't working for/with me! I am increasingly losing out on my confidence, my best traits, seeing myself in extreme negative light, always being fear-stricken, being someone that i am not. I am weak now, in spirits, totally shattered with things happening around. All of them bad, nothing worthwhile, achievements- zero. I feel ashamed and embarrassed to even meet people, my own friends too. Like they keep on doing something in their lives and I am here- doing nothing. Do I even have it in me to make big? Forget big, actually doing something. What a disastrous life! I actually realize at times that i am just another average person, who has always harbored great ambitions but necessarily done nothing towards making them come real! and its so sad, because I am just wasting every moment of my life thinking about how everyone else's life is so good and how they seem happy or atleast they are doing something with their lives. When will I get to do such a thing? Or my entire life is gonna be spent begging or crying out of helplessness. I am so dumb. I know nothing. i cannot feed myself, i am financially dependant and also i know no skills to survive. Is this life really a waste? Am i just another face in the crowd or even i think now, faceless? I don't even exist! what's this life anyway?
So, i say bad- terrible- in fact, because ever since leaving my academic life, studies, college nothing good has happened. I feel like i would have to sell my soul to make things work out. Because all the good spirit, the triumph through troubles isn't working for/with me! I am increasingly losing out on my confidence, my best traits, seeing myself in extreme negative light, always being fear-stricken, being someone that i am not. I am weak now, in spirits, totally shattered with things happening around. All of them bad, nothing worthwhile, achievements- zero. I feel ashamed and embarrassed to even meet people, my own friends too. Like they keep on doing something in their lives and I am here- doing nothing. Do I even have it in me to make big? Forget big, actually doing something. What a disastrous life! I actually realize at times that i am just another average person, who has always harbored great ambitions but necessarily done nothing towards making them come real! and its so sad, because I am just wasting every moment of my life thinking about how everyone else's life is so good and how they seem happy or atleast they are doing something with their lives. When will I get to do such a thing? Or my entire life is gonna be spent begging or crying out of helplessness. I am so dumb. I know nothing. i cannot feed myself, i am financially dependant and also i know no skills to survive. Is this life really a waste? Am i just another face in the crowd or even i think now, faceless? I don't even exist! what's this life anyway?
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