An Awakening

I wrote a short story and shared it with a friend for his reviews. Now, I am unable to improve upon on the suggested changes. I am stuck. I now understand what a writer's bloc is. It feels like I can't progress beyond what I had originally penned down. Sometimes, it becomes so important to change the course of things in our own way. My friend's suggestions are excellent and all are completely relevant, I still, however can't come to terms with an alternate solution for replacing situations in the story. Partly because, I was the character who lived through every word and moment of the story. 

Suddenly it feels like I am being thwarted from my seat by a force that wants me to be more angry and powerful than I am in the story. My emotions need to be more raw and hard than I let them to be. It is difficult for me to transgress into an unknown territory of emotional upheavals particularly when I lived through the characters' persona. Nevertheless, I keep reminding myself it's just a story and that my emotional attachment is perhaps marring the essence of the turbulence I sought to portray. Also this constant tugging at the invisible threads that bind the story with my personal self is taking its toll on me. I have reread the story umpteen times in the last two days yet I cannot get myself to edit the parts that so spontaneously first appeared in the writing. But this is not how good writers are made. We must sacrifice and retain some things so personal in our writing so that the reader must weave his own story into the gaps that leave the story open for interpretation. 

It's slightly amusing that my not reading any other book at this moment isn't helping the dilemma either. I would have thought that reading another author's work would influence my thoughts and seep into my writing. Perhaps, that is not going to happen. I must remove these irregularities running through my mind at top speed, right now. My consolation is that I can be my toughest critic and supporter as well. This is my strength and no one can take it away from me. While talking to my Dad last night I asked him how does he have a diplomatic bone in his body but I, his daughter don't possess one? His reply will remain with me throughout my life. He said, he learned as he went through experiences in life and so will I provided I keep my ethics and morals in place. This is the man I look up to and shall always do. I have learnt that no matter what we think of ourselves against the better judgement of people who scrutinise us, we have to keep going. There is no reason to stop or pull away from expressing ourselves for fear of being judged. I also submitted an entry of a poster art work competition for a women's collective today. Despite having finished the poster days ago, I only finally sent it today because of the sudden realisation that my chances of getting published don't matter, what matters is that the work is received and reviewed by the people who understand it. This awakening just freed my heart of any discrepancies I carried about the quality of my work. Rise up and demonstrate your rights, talent, and every little thing that YOU deem important to be heard and seen. I certainly seem to have found my calling, have you?