It's a blur since a few days, once again. I am home!
There have been good things and bad, and events that surprised me out of nowhere. I hadn't anticipated knowing and learning so much in the past few days of being back here. Mostly, the realization of being so conversant with my thoughts again has changed how I feel here. All it takes is a slow Sunday to reflect upon everything that's happening.
More than a week ago, time seemed to loom ahead in an expansive quantity. Now that I am writing here, I realise how much of it I have squandered. We always ponder and regret but never enjoy when we are present in the moment. Old habits die hard. As Simone De Beauvoir once wrote:
I'm not tragic these days, I don't weep, but I feel alone, bewildered, far from you, far from everything — nothing has any meaning.
I feel this departure from my old self. I am self-reminiscing the old times and me in it but would not like to continue doing so. Yet, I think about it constantly since my head is empty these days with no active work to do. A friend also told me that our best version lies now, in present. Have to agree with that. Despite all the glory in the past, we are ever evolving, fighting and finding out way forward.
Too many new changes to embrace evermore, many new things to learn about self, much more kindness to imbibe and more faith to keep myself going. A new beginning is already initiated, I only look forward to continue seeking newer truths and horizons ahead. 2022- Thank you for all that you brought forth in my life. Eternally grateful to all the opportunities, even those that I destroyed with my silliness, to the losses that taught me yet again to move forward without lamenting and moping over it, to the family I made and to every experience that teaches me evermore to be more than what I am.
Au revoir!
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