Skip to main content

Ruminations

I am tired of carrying this burden in my heart. Of things that are lost, that make me regret everything I have done and thought so far, of things that haven't worked out. I keep thinking of what could have been done differently and yet it doesn't make sense to me. I am weak in the moments that need my firm defiance.  Will it always be like this? Will I live a life having to always regret my non-doings and doings? 

I wish I had answers and more courage to be stubborn. I am neither and this helplessness is wearing off my limited energy to do better for myself. I will be a faceless dot on this planet burning down in my existence. What a wasted chance to have been born! 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

गौरी देशपांडे आणि मी

आज २७ फेब्रुवारी. कविवर्य कुसुमाग्रज यांचा जन्मदिवस आणि मराठी भाषा दिवस. त्यानिमित्त मला आवडणाऱ्या एका मराठी लेखिकेच्या पुस्तकाचं विवेचन इथे करते. गौरी देशपांडे- मराठी वाचणाऱ्या साऱ्याच वाचकांना हे नाव जितकं परिचित आहे तितकच फार जवळचं देखील आहे. मी सर्वप्रथम गौरी देशपांडे यांची एक कथा शाळेत असताना अभ्यासली होती- कलिंगड. आणि कित्येक दिवस मी त्या कथेच्या पुढे अजून काही असेल का म्हणून उत्सुक आणि अस्वस्थ होते. दहावीत असताना वाचली होती म्हणून त्यांचं सर्व लिखाण वाचून काढायचं हे ठरवलं. पुढची चार- पाच वर्ष त्यांचं असं काही वाचनात आलं नाही. नंतर 'आर्किटेक्चर' शिकताना कॉलेजच्या ग्रंथालयात मराठी पुस्तकांचं कपाट दिसलं. आणि पाहिलं पुस्तक जे मी घेतलं नी वाचलं ते गौरी देशपांडेंचं 'मुंबई-तळेगाव-ग्रीस' असा प्रवास करणारी 'मुक्काम' हि दीर्घ कथा/कादंबरी. त्याचं दुसरं पुस्तक वाचलं ते म्हणजे 'आहे हे असे आहे', आणि त्यात मला परत एकदा सापडली ती 'कलिंगड' हि कथा. मी चार-पाच वेळा ते पुस्तक वाचून काढलं परीक्षा सुरु होण्याच्या काही दिवस आधी, एप्रिल मधेच आणि त्या कलिंगड...
Post a Comment
Read more

Book Tales

A cancelled lunch date led my feet astray to the book treasures on Flora Fountain. This happened on a busy Monday afternoon. I promised myself I wouldn't engage my eyes on books anymore after I ended up spending a whole lot more than I usually do. It feels like an addiction, something I can't let go off. While I am sure books will and should not be recognised as harmful addiction, I am painfully aware of the fact that splurging money on anything every time we see it is unhealthy. Of course, I know the psychology and the hard facts too, but buying books feels like conquering the access way to treasures of an inexpressible happy state of mind. When I was young, losing myself in the book world was not just for the introduction into the big wide unseen world but also for the love of imagination. I was fascinated with colours and story telling, had a thirst for adventure that seemed strangely missing in my childhood as it was so pronounced in Enid Blyton's books. I could n...
4 comments
Read more

Forward march

Suddenly I've started feeling envious of all the 24 year-old youngsters. Not that I'm old compared to them, but I wish I WERE 24 today to possess the same energy, liveliness and excitement to do things. With these thoughts I was reeking in a wee bit misery last night, when I decided to install the Amazon Kindle app on my phone. It asked me a few preferences and rate some books for further reading suggestions. To my utter surprise, I saw books by Cheryl Strayed on the list. I had read about Strayed's WILD because of the movie promotions. So, I started off by reading Brave Enough: A mini instruction manual for the soul, intrigued by its title. The book consists of Quotes that helped Cheryl (forgive my first name calling, but I feel like she is my soul sister after reading the book), go through stressful times in her life while growing up. She writes about noting quotes that inspired her, everywhere in her house and places where she could read them always. I instantly knew w...
4 comments
Read more