Ruminations

I am tired of carrying this burden in my heart. Of things that are lost, that make me regret everything I have done and thought so far, of things that haven't worked out. I keep thinking of what could have been done differently and yet it doesn't make sense to me. I am weak in the moments that need my firm defiance.  Will it always be like this? Will I live a life having to always regret my non-doings and doings? 

I wish I had answers and more courage to be stubborn. I am neither and this helplessness is wearing off my limited energy to do better for myself. I will be a faceless dot on this planet burning down in my existence. What a wasted chance to have been born!