Only time...

Over time, things change to a great extent. We change too. There's no set definitions or parameters that pinpoint to these changes. We keep going through the fundamental changes in different time phases. In what ways, are we ready to experience these shifts in our inherent behavioral patterns? Can we truly focus on our natural inhibitions?

I feel at such a loss of my trusting instincts that see me giving people a fair chance. Of course, the world doesn't just operate only in shades of black & white. There's the grey matter largely interspersed in between tearing through our best judging abilities. Gosh, I feel like such an idiot! Here I am venting out my disappointment and really seeking what? An acknowledgement of what happened in the many years to come? Perhaps, I will forget about it then and I dearly hope I do. 

What do I do? Pull up my socks and pretend that nothing happened? Or, go through being sulky and sullen through this terrible ordeal and keep that facade posted henceforth? Maybe I will since we build up appearances and have comfortably been doing so in these covid times of digital workplaces and social life too. I wish there were a way out of this misery and drudgery since my enthusiasm has started to wean off more quickly than I anticipated. How fantastically is time meddling with my sensibilities! I am absolutely stunned to realize this behavioral shift in myself and would like to collect my calm before I go anymore adrift. Always going to be hanging with this dual anchor that tilts a bit too much every time I feel in absolute control and in power of myself. Even as I write here, my thoughts are pretty much incoherent and unaligned with the many tomorrows I shouldn't be worried about at all but I am. I have learnt nothing from the Buddha's wisdom of mindfulness. For all my wakeful spirits, I am merely a sinking ship that's weighed with unnecessary baggage and loaded with crap. 

Let go off me, my many myriad ghosts nestled so lovingly on my neck. This stops now, beginning this moment. We MUST change since it is the only constant that perhaps makes sense and gives a legitimacy to this chaos within me and out. My bubble has burst and I need more than a tenacious spirit to bounce back that only time shall tell...