Waking up to one of those days when you feel down and out. The feeling has been building over a week and the outpouring is happening only now. Much as I try to think it out rationally and process the events that occurred with no emotion attached to them, I actually find myself sinking deeper into the abyss. I gave away my power, and now am left lurching between this moment as I pass through another. Hoping time shall heal these scratches, however on surface they look like.
I am hoping that writing here will help me dissolve the unpleasantness and remove the cynicism I feel so ingrained with since a week. Talking hasn't helped so far, perhaps writing will. Life is confusing and people are afraid. It dawns upon me now how willing I was to forego my ideals and compromise just for the sake of some normalcy. Perhaps, this isn't meant to be.
Still learning to navigate these deep waters. My clarity on life's various vagaries are shifting, blurred and super chaotic right now but I am sure I will get through this too. There is always something better on the horizon. Give me yourself time and I shall submit myself willingly to your idiosyncrasies. Till then, I deal with this uncertainty with steel and some salt in me.
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