I am sitting by the window in this computer lab, at 10 in the morning. Certain things never change. We get enamored and distracted by life and its extravaganza. As I think about what to write here because I do have a lot of things to share, I am taken back to days of summer and winter holidays when the thoughts from my head would find an easy outlet here. I could hardly contain my typing speed as I juggled to put everything on this screen. Lately, especially more in this year I have begun feeling a sense of loss about a lot of things that I did casually with an ease, perhaps, it mirrors my anxiety of not doing things too well. It's a certain reminder that things happen for the best no matter how hard we try to keep things organized and sorted. I always look at things from a very wide perspective or so I believe, and yet today morning as I sit here, there's a feeling of dread which threatens to change me. Can we ever get ourselves to become what the images in our head keep projecting? This constant dwindling sense of anticipation that marks a change in the ways we see the world and the ways in which the world sees us. I often dwell a lot on the possibilities of events that happen to me, long before they are to take place and long after they pass by.
A very recent big event that has marked a certain changed outlook in me is an accident that happened to me. It has made me sit still and all activities are on hold yet I find myself in good spirits. It made me realize that my energies and enthusiasm have a far higher hold on me than my physical strength. Don't we often come face-to-face with our strengths in the strangest and most bizarre ways of being? There's so much I now know about myself. I can be more, I always have harbored for more and it doesn't have to stop at being unable to physically accomplish something or being present in that moment and time. I have grown in the space of the last few months, more than the recent years have taught me. There's good and there's the unknown and I ventured into both, on my own. That sense of being, feeling and belonging shall take me ahead. There is a far greater world and sphere unbeknownst to us, which lies hidden sometimes in plain sight, and often requires a deeper voluntary front from us. Every single time, every single moment, every day and every minute that I feel empowered to be here, to be self and to write what I know and what I discover....It has been too long to have known this for myself, and yet it feels new and fresh.
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