Clinging Shame

While synchronising a book catalogue application with Goodreads today, I realised the huge number of unread books I possess in my collection. Why I never got around to reading them or why I left them unfinished will truly take a large share of my memory to remember! Some days I feel the fire burned & extinguished out of me, while some days it is so fierce that I feel a strong unstoppable force within me. These moments of introspection come not without their terrifying implications on my psyche. Even the festive season is not uplifting my mood. There is just so much going around us at the moment. I am at a cross section of journeys that I feel too stifled to endeavour upon. One would think ageing gives us enough power to confront our demons and demolish them. Not always happening.

I am reading a lot of diverse material from Gender Studies to Polity and Social Structure of Economies but it leaves a gaping hole each time I dwell upon this utilitarian arrangement we are part of, that leaves us with living each day as it comes for people from varying economic strata. All these festivities have started making me sick of the farce we put up for the sake of our personal gratification. How long can we stay masked till we really gather that it is stripping us of our integrity as sensitive human beings(if at all we still cherish it within us)? I am repulsed at these double standards we have adapted and employed as part of our persona. It troubles me a great deal that my actions and services for an imaginary part of this human world are largely concealed and mangled in the distress of living one day at a time. Who came up with this theory and imposed it upon us with such little consideration for the inclusive wholesome betterment of humanity? *Sigh*

Such a glorious waste of our potential when we keep busying ourselves with broken histories of traditions and customs, never amending or adjusting them to the changing times. Our need for better has disrupted many a nature's forces and indigenous heritage that we still can't make sense of while wrapped and cocooned in our tangled hierarchies of power. How minuscule our worries are when sided with the struggles of people not barely 5,000 miles from us? There's war, genocide, migrations, mass disruptions due to climate change and yet all we think of is following some warped concept of calendars to celebrate when our own kind is dying not far from us. We need a rebellion in minds, perhaps socially too but mostly on an individual scale to scrape off this naked shamelessness we have clung into our skins!