Weekend Musings

I missed a dear friend's Bridal Shower. Something that me and a few other friends were planning since a month. Uncertainty is such a game twister. When we are so excited about something, and looking forward to it, and this disappointment creeps in. It has happened with me quite a many times. When it happened in childhood, I would sulk and forget about it. Now when it happens, I go back in time, think about the preparations, excitement, my happy state of mind and the sulk returns and never goes for a long time. Usually it reflects on the family. I blame them if they are responsible or I do torture my own self constantly thinking about what an ungrateful friend I am. I must say, it spirals me into a near depression state and its the worst feeling ever to let down people you love.

This time, a lot of things happened in succession. First, my phone gave up, then I had some health (ENT + Dental) issues, which surprised and terrified me. And, it just makes me feel so guilty evermore that something I looked forward to i.e, sharing my friend's happiness, I had to pull out of it. Some people are the only friends we have ever got. We may not acknowledge this fact wholeheartedly, but apart from the number of people we know, even if intimately or for the longest duration of our lives, there are few who stay with us, no matter what. I realized this over the last couple of days. I am not a very social or people person nor do I have a huge friends base, but its great in a while to be able to say Hi! to most of them. It's satisfactory to know that we have made our mark in someone's life because they acknowledge our presence. All my life, ever since my school days, I have believed in this theory that even though people criticize you in school/college or wherever, those are the ones who will remember you the most. They will also respect you because you never bowed down to their criticisms. 

It's quite funny, the way we live our lives. We all will have a set number of people we call friends. They will be categorized accordingly into school, college, office friends and so on. Then there are the friends of friends with whom sometimes surprisingly we gel so much that the common friend gets side stepped. Has happened with me and I am sure with many others too. SO, how do we make friends? How is it that we know we wish to be friends with somebody? In this age and time of social network availability, there's a big question mark if we should call people in the friend list as friends?! How easy it is in school and college to make friends! The classmates after initial days, become friends automatically. From my Architecture school batch, I remember on the first day, we were bursting with laughter and introductions; a week later, there were groups in the class. Students from a particular area in town stuck to each other, students from outstation stayed together and the ones who had nothing in common made their own group. And I remember this was the most talked about group of people in the class and college. They each had vibrant, extreme personalities, their dynamism was extra-ordinary. It's also sad that colleges never give an opportunity to really someone as the person they are. Everyone is so focused on projecting themselves as their best selves, that their true nature is hardly revealed. It's only after college ends that we realize how wrong or right we were about a person. However, it's also true that some people never change. Their traits remain the same. So, five years after meeting a college friend, I was instantly struck by how same her habits were. Not coming on time, cancelling plans at the last moment, making the weirdest excuses and speaking about the past. But I am no longer repulsed by them because I know we must accept people how they are and now I get it. When I was younger, callousness made me angry. Now I guess I have learned to ignore and forgive such things. We all need each other, after all. 

I could go on and on, considering none of my friends or people I know will be reading this. Sometimes writing to an anonymous, invisible reader makes all the difference than talking to someone we know.