The Story

Does it ever happen that we completely run out of words to say or things to express? I have started thinking it has happened to me this month. April is Academia time and I've had hands full of academic work- exams, assignments, deadlines. My work got the better of my desire to write everyday or regularly at least. Now, April is ending and here I am looking towards the many possibilities and events that shaped the past few days.

A very interesting conversation that came up between my parents and me last night was about living according to society's will and living on individual principles. While they said, that us humans must make compromises and settle so that we fit in the society we live, my mind was churning exactly different thoughts. One part of me was saying that we ought to mix in the society we live in and other said, we ought to also live on our terms & principles. Is that too much of a chaos to deal with? Why are we so tied with a society that doesn't believe in letting individuals sticking to their principles? Should we hang our individual principles to appease a community of people howsoever much we don't believe in their ideologies? Sometimes, these contrasting opinions do leave me hanging in thin air and quite disappointed in this system we have created to please everyone but our own selves.

Apart from these many self-conversations, I am also moving into a new realm of things. I believe everything that I've been working for is culminating into a destination. Earlier these were just my goals and a journey. Now, everything has coagulated together into a solid destination that I look forward to scaling soon. Amidst all the hullabaloo of events that are happening around, I still feel hopeful as a young woman to push my way through these many barricades that are newly being set up. I no longer think in terms of happiness as an index that I measure my self-worth with but just a pointer towards a fulfilling manner of living. DO I sound too old? Too greyish in manner? Some days I feel like a wise woman of hundred and on some I become a child of three, giggling spiritedly over everyday happenings. And I would like to retain this child in me. It's not very comforting to always be in a self-critical mode and the little girl in me makes sure I don't dwell too hard on things that are of no significance whatsoever to my immediate existence. Even while reminding myself this, it's not hard to dismiss the very gruelling details I sometimes carry in my head. Our brains are amazing for their rare quality of pushing things up time and again from long gone recesses of memories.

The Story here is that we all have stories to share. Some do it effortlessly, some take time and some bury the stories deep into their hearts, never letting the light of dawn touch them. My very serious rendezvous with myself today is just another indication of the capacities we grow for ourselves, to relieve of the excess burden we carry whilst living. If only we let the light penetrate sharply reaching all nooks and enlightening the dusty narrow lanes, the world would be a better place for everyone to thrive. I increasingly set apart to drifting on these thoughts during an afternoon sojourn of a book aptly titled, Night Train To Lisbon. Sometimes, the people who we talk with don't let themselves go into the conversations as much as we do. And this book is just showing me what it is to keep the story progressing, without any hindrances. The many moons of my delightful dark reveries have bore witness to the agitation and anxiety that swivels behind me as I twist and turn around, figuring the many vagaries of this living. I become a new leaf every time I have a new thought and this really pleases me. Because what are we doing if not constantly evolving into better beings? I love this positivity washing and flooding my insides everyday, marking my belief that dark doesn't hold its strong reign over me any more, not unlike it did a few years ago. This is how it should be. We go on, leave the sombre and dark back, forever. This is the story I've been working on and one I would like to continue. It gives me strength and a purpose to live every single moment preciously.