Sunday ruminations

It's a cold night. I am sitting by the window, and the house is alive with its sounds and smells. I bought some Champa flowers in the evening, promptly put one in my hair and then forgot about it. Just as I was thinking of putting on some music to relieve the drowsiness from the day, some other work has me distracted. 

We are working on some wardrobe changes in the house. I promptly work on design software and show 3D images to my parents. They still trust and go with the word of the good old carpenter (Mestry) as we call him. While rethinking for the wardrobe, I realize the vast amount of old junk me and my Dad have harnessed over the years. His is from the late '70s and mine has been sitting there as beloved childhood treasure that includes books, magazines, toys, memorabilia in the form of medals and trophies. I remember what a source of pride it used to be to collect trophies for various achievements in school. Later as I grew up, during college times the sheen of trophies/ awards gradually faded away. When did I stop being competitive? Or, do I believe I did? Perhaps, I have learned the fine art of adjustment. The subtle art of sulking and miserably glowing in one's own sorrow, of the things left unsaid, of the dreadful weeks of silence.....have grown up to adjust to all these and still behave as if this is the regular norm of life. Why do we stick to such adamant behavioral conduct every day when we are unhappy because of it? 

As a child growing up in a house with fierce tempers unloaded any moment resulting in days of silence and ignorance, I was quite the unhappy teenager as I began Architecture school. The stress of performance coupled with the volatile unbalanced environment back home often led me to aggressive temperament with fellow classmates. While I was incredibly lucky to have supportive calm-headed friends and teachers as well, I wonder if things would have been different had I been exposed to a harmonious and serene atmosphere? The funniest thing is nothing seems to have changed after all these years. The atmosphere has become more diluted, sulkier, angrier, tempers fly at the drop of a hat, silence and ignorance have become a norm and I carry on despite this instability. I no longer fight it. I no longer become a part of it by reacting. I am as passive as I could be. Of course, I am still greatly bothered by the chaos, the sullenness of everything around me, but, I have adjusted my personal grievances as life's daily vagaries. Perhaps, this is all there is to adulting. 

As this day comes to an end, I am grateful to have it done with. Here's to a new morning tomorrow and challenges ahead.