Musings

So much to write! After a very very long hiatus, I am writing here with an enthusiasm that I have forever felt for writing blogs. It's been over a week that I am unwell, down with cold and a bad coughing fit that seems to swell itself in my heart and then just drown me into an endless pool of misery. Even made me thought how I have aged in a week since being unwell. The reason why I took to writing today is quite simply this- the way we slog ourselves to death on the pretext of working, earning a living, precariously swivelling on a pendulum that compromises our health so that we earn monies, our bank accounts remain fat when we lose our health, mind and deteriorate mental peace. I, also, unfortunately fell prey to this vicious cycle and ended up losing control over my health, both mind and body. 

Today, as I write this, while in my workplace where I am surrounded by colleagues who are laughing loudly, discussing a myriad affairs, I feel strangely comfortable in all of this. Any other time, I would have longed for some peace but today, it's as if I have turned over a new leaf. Another reason for this change is that I had a short but thoughtful conversation with someone who is much younger to me, last night. All about recovering our inner energies which we then deviate and channelise into things that require our attention. My wonderful friend who pumped some delightful enthusiasm back into my heart told me how I needed to reclaim my self control over things that bother me, since they don't have any power over actual events that take place regardless of my worrying. How right is my friend! We tend to be so harsh and unnecessarily tough for things that don't matter anymore than a few given moments in our lifetime. Yet, we spend an insane amount of time grappling with desolation and in melancholy, agitating over things which aren't important. So, why, despite doing everything that is supposed to keep us happy or move us into that direction, are we frequently lost about the real reason of doing everything we do? The way we work hard to ensure our finances remain upkeep, why don't we work hard to also gain that self fulfilment that we search for in meditation camps and nature retreats? 

I have begun to feel the weight of being happy and content because supposedly I have everything that a person my age should- employment, health without any disability, shelter, food, family. What else could be missing? Yet, as I move away from these parameters, I yearn for reclaiming my soul in a way that would not be a burden but a joy that keeps me afloat in everyday life. Are we ever truly really happy? Or is happiness a myth invented to keep us concentrated on material possessions? The more access we have to possessing things, or people, the more happier we are,a s defined by certain laws of our human world. It's a strange concept to abide by. Be happy because there's nothing better to be. I would rather indulge in soul- searching than choosing from a happiness repository. Imagining myself to be away from the glum that drags me into a pit of non-stop worrying, and isolation. If I am indeed writing about it here, means I have already begun on my journey forward towards claiming myself. The long days of agonised despair over not finding the meaning of doing things, of the endless 'whys' that tormented me end today. Their time is gone. I am back.