I severely despise drama, melodrama, malaise of all kinds. And yet here I am spending an October Saturday in misery over the way people can't deal with their problems. Anger and Anxiety are going to be the death of this world. Just last night the news reported a survey of 31% officegoers suffering from office-related stress in my city. I actually feel that number is at least 91%! If only all of us learnt to live (and, lie alternately) in harmony and in unison, there would be no stress and participation in such grisly surveys. But, this is life and we are the saddest lot in it. Unfortunately, I am not in my very best spirits to write here, but in the hopes that writing shall cure me of my endless suffering, I unleash my fury at the world (and, myself!).
Just today morning, I told a friend that "all conditioned things are impermanent," and while it is true generally, today it doesn't feel so. Somehow, hatred and anger and vile things have become a permanence in our meagre lives. All the lies we tell ourselves about being bitter about our disappointments and the resentments from all the grudges carried in our hearts and minds, day long, day out are excuses to assure of this impermanence we cannot see otherwise with eyes wide open. Imagine being in a position where we challenge our core beliefs to see them being put up on a pedestal and then see them crashing down into a million pieces. It hurts a lot. But the good thing about growing up is that we cease to cling to this hurt. We just don't care about it anymore. Perhaps only a reminder of how fast things change pace and events fall into their cosmic cycle.
Why do we complicate everything to an extent where it's impossibly saddening to return and make amends? This pattern of falling into the spiral of good and bad and all the moments in between is mind-boggling. Once I think about it from a very distant perspective then, I realise the folly of it all; us judging, weighing, scaling through life's many moments to land up one spectacular bright speck into the shining galaxy of our existence. How miniscule our affections and ministrations fare amidst this sorrow pool of eternity! Not cynically but I often dwell upon these phases when life wears me down. One way of undoing everything would be to give ourselves to this universe wholeheartedly and not bother with the stings it gives back. There is happiness, although, albeit it is only a state of mind and like every other emotion it stays for a while but brings brightness and leaves a sunshine in darkness for us to remember later. How wonderful would it be if we learned to give, accept and take in the most passive flicking momentum the atoms could! What are we if not a bouncing bunch of atoms colliding with each other and secretly nurturing and nourishing these collisions? I take so much pride in little moments done right, even when I know there will be a time when none of this will stay with me, not in my memories, not in permanence. It's the anticipation of cherishing the speckled brilliance for as long as it takes that keeps me going. How I wish we were simple beings simply coexisting with nature and not having to deal with this complexity and contradiction that mars us all the time!
I have to mention how angry and in a disarray my mind was at the beginning of this Saturday rant and how peaceful if not less disarrayed my mind feels right now. Writing is the greatest therapy. May we all always remember that this life is transitory and that being here and living it well is the best we could do. Cherish yourselves, cherish your loved ones, cherish those who make a difference to you, cherish those who need some love and are grateful when offered, spread the cheer and be happy! We only get to live once and be young once. Why not make the most of it when offered? May our love reach and change our own depths of understanding for all beings.
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