AUGUST Rush

It's AUGUST! I have been reading a lot of books lately. Read them even during my exams which is not a good thing to do i.e. deviating from coursework and spending time with literary characters. Now that exams are done, I look forward eagerly to more Kindle reads, library reads and my To-Read pile from April. I never thought how much I would enjoy reading on the kindle. Although, I still hold my paperbacks and Hardcovers dearly. 

I recently gave away a large chunk of my Childhood favorites to an orphanage housing girls aged between 8-12 years. I was very clear about including books that would be academically useful to them so Atlases, Thesaurus and Dictionaries, Spelling & Grammar books from Webster's made the list. I was happy to part with the books although initially when I thought of the idea, I thought I wouldn't be able to. So I took a day off to bask in my memories with those books and then decided it was for the best. Someone else will be able to hold them dear and treasure their own reading experiences later. One of the best deeds I've done in my life. 

My memories with August are of a mixed variety meaning I associate August with the blooming of something new every year. I don't recall any specific occasion that has triggered this feeling but it just so happens to be a good monsoon month. I start thinking of winters and the cold usually from August. I also feel terribly bad about coming to the end of the year although it is still a good four months away. But then, since August, days pass quickly and before I know it, it's Christmas and New Year. 

I have been reading a wonderful Anthology on Gauri Deshpande and I've realized that she seems different each time I read her thoughts. I first read her when I was 14 in a school textbook, then at age 20 during Architecture College and then kept reading her work more so when I turned 25. And now I see the difference that has started seeping in my mind about her characters and stance on Sexual Liberty of Men and Women. She created quite a stir in the 60's and 70's with her bold literary writing and often was at a harsh mercy of critics from Marathi Literature. Today, as I read her stories and ideas, I feel she wasn't wrong to explore her liberal and modern thoughts on women the way she did back then, but it no longer feels the same for women 50 years after her writing. Nothing seems to have changed. Only the appearances of women have undergone some drastic changes in urban areas but their way of living and suppression is still the same. I cannot relate to her sense of freedom and liberty as espoused for women who had the means to rise in their lives. Her characters often struggle with their loneliness and inabilities to initiate relationships with their loved ones. Not to highlight the fact that, women cannot just pinpoint on bodily urges for their carnal satisfaction in their lives forever. Surely, we are more than our urges for bodily pleasures. This is where I don't feel very attached to her anymore now. Of course, my fondest memories will lie in the years I got introduced to her literature and the way she captured my attention about body issues women face throughout their lives. She remains a huge influence for the freedom she envisaged in her characters and which in turn made me look out for the definition and scope of liberty in my life. There comes a phase when we push and drift away from writers we've loved and I am sure I will have my own large share too, but Gauri remains a dear friend who lets me capture my most adventurous thoughts on freedom through her words and ideas. She died when I was 15 and I regret to have never got the chance to meet her or write her letters but she lives on in my heart as one of the first Contemporary Marathi Writers I read and cherished throughout my teen years. Perhaps, human tendencies really do lie in going over the same experiences time and again in a search for their identities.